call HART crazy .. but

Classic! FWD’ed to me via email from unknown source ….

Dear Employee:

ENJOY YOUR NEW OFFICE

* Not sure if you have seen your new office layout, but here it is! Due to federal budget cuts, this will be our new cubical and private office layout.

NEW EMPLOYEE POLICY

* PS Due to budget cuts … here is our new employee policy

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2012 – NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary:

* If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
* If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
* If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Pass this on to all who are employed!

Source: FWD to me – from my email InBOX!

call HART crazy … but

Here are some new Christmas Cartoons FWD’ed to me in my email Inbox recently …. Enjoy.

call HART crazy .. but

* hubba hubba

call HART crazy .. but

Sometimes … when you just gotta “Get ‘er Done” … you might want to step back and think a little bit

Source: FWD in my email INbox

call HART crazy .. but

This was FWD to me today … an image I have seen around the ‘net previously. I have kept the title and text intact.

This is the actual turn-off From Banff, Alberta, Canada to the #1 highway to Calgary .

Really….?

Actually:

It’s unknown if this picture has Elk or not in it. Snopes reports that readers in the area pointed out that the structure pictured above is not a wildlife overpass, but rather a bridge for the Canadian Pacific railway track, which often follows the Trans Canada Highway east to west coast.

call HART crazy .. but

I’ve seen this about 10 times around the ‘net in the last few weeks and finally someone has forwarded it to me in my InBox ..

For those who aren’t familiar with the view – it’s the downstream face of the dam and those dots are bighorns WALKING ACROSS IT. They’re licking the surface – salt, maybe?

According to Snopes ..

* These pictures of four-legged critters on a dam face are not photographs of bighorn sheep on the Buffalo Bill Dam in Wyoming, but of Alpine ibex on the Diga del Cingino (aka Cingino Dam) in northern Italy!

* The ibex are a type of wild mountain goat which are excellent climbers and typically live in steep, rocky terrain at higher altitudes (up to 15,000 feet above sea level), so the alpine environment of the Diga del Cingino is not an unusual habitat in which to find them.

“Not Another Buffalo Bill Dam and Bullhorn Licking Salt Post” ??

no!

It’s the Cingino Dam and Alpine iBex Licking Salt Post!

call HART crazy .. but

Despite this collection of images have been splattered all over the internet and ultimately FWD’ed into my email InBox .. it seems obvious where the images were taken from … chairmanlol.com/ and www.engrish.com/ (based on the watermarks!) As most of these were probably submitted by readers anyway, I hope they don’t mind me reposting them in this blog – since they found their way into my email InBox via cc:

I suggest that if you want to see more – don’t wait until they are FWDed into your email InBox – check out ChairmanLOL.com and Engrish.com instead!

call HART crazy .. but

You don’t have to be crazy to recognize that this guy is amazing no matter how you look at it!

Be Careful!

Great Crevase Edgar Mueller. Hard work: Together with up to five assistants, Mueller painted all day long from sunrise to sunset. The picture appeared on the East Pier in Dun Laoghaire , Ireland , as part of the town’s Festival of World Cultures.

Watch Your Step!

He spent five days, working 12 hours a day, to create the 250 square metre image of the crevasse, which, viewed from the correct angle, appears to be 3D. He then persuaded passers-by to complete the illusion by pretending the gaping hole was real.

‘I wanted to play with positives and negatives to encourage people to think twice about everything they see,’ he said. ‘It was a very scary scene, but when people saw it they had great fun playing on it and pretending to fall into the earth. ‘I like to think that later, when they returned home, they might reflect more on what a frightening scenario it was and say, “Wow, that was actually pretty scary.”

Older Favorites You Might Remember

SOURCE: FWD’ed to me via my email INBOX (but, you should be able to find these else where around the ‘net searching for “Edgar Mueller”, “The Chalk Guy” or “Rex Features”)

call HART crazy .. but

*whew* … what a relief! Bob’s not deaf!!

Source: FWD in to my inbox

call HART crazy .. but

I saw this at a craft sale for $15 CDN and Just couldn’t resist purchasing it for my office …

I always wanted a live mouse trap on the wall – found at the Lockport, Manitoba “Locks Market” craft show during their Centennial Celebration August 22, 2010